I was introduced to N Sync when I was ten and my Godfather bought me their self-titled debut album and their Christmas album. I didn’t know who they were but I played those CDs over and over and fell in love. I was obsessed with them and everything they did. I had every album and loved every track. Yes, even Digital Get Down. ESPECIALLY Digital Get Down (R.I.P. Left Eye). Then on Celebrity, there was a song titled Gone and the only solo was by good ol’ Justin Timberlake and I knew right then and there: he’s going solo. I was right, of course. Justified came out and everything kinda fell apart.
I tried to hang on. I tried to love Justin as a solo artist…but I didn’t. He had some catchy singles but nothing that made me want to buy his albums. Then JC attempted his own solo career. I don’t quite remember his single but I do remember the music video, thanks to MTV’s Making the Video. Tara Reid was in it, there was dancing in a truck stop diner maybe? What sticks out to me the most was JC’s hair and his very tight pants that had a shoelace instead of a zipper. I’m obviously still shook. I watched Lance and Joey’s On the Line. I tried to fake interest in Chris’s clothing line (Foo Man Skeet). It was all for nothing, though, because none of them were any good on their own. They needed each other. I mean, c’mon, what happened to Justin after Justified? Absolutely nothing. Poor schlub is probably living in middle America, selling insurance, with like 5 kids and a wife who hates him. #PrayForJustin
On the way to work this morning, One Direction somehow came up in conversation and it got me thinking. Maybe this is the boy band that I can lose myself in. Maybe I could reignite the love I had for N Sync with One Direction. Who cares that I’m almost 30; the heart wants what it wants (shout out to Selena Gomez).
What’s that? They’ve all gone solo, too?! Well, it looks like I missed the boat. But maybe on their own they’re better off than the members of my beloved N Sync. Do I smell a blog post coming? YES I DO. I decided to listen to all of the One Direction-ers solo singles and write about them as I listened. Wait, what’s that? Am I starved for content? Maybe…
Use Spotify to listen to each member’s most played song. Type in as much of their name as I know in order to pull them up. Consult Google if this attempt gets me nowhere. Spoiler Alert: I might know all their names because before I embarked on this journey, I had to Google them because I could only remember four of their faces and I was certain there was a fifth member. There’s always a fifth member…unless you’re current day Fifth Harmony, or Spice Girls circa 1998, or Boyz II Men in all of history because THEY NEVER NEEDED A FIFTH.
Head over to my Spotify Playlist if you want to get the full Blog experience. Do it.
Liam Payne (Or The One Who I Forgot Existed) – Strip That Down
It’s always the quiet ones that are the freakiest. This holds true for Liam. Honestly, I didn’t know his name was Liam. I thought one of the other ones was Liam…the one with the beard, kinda, and the “fake baby.” But back to the song: The beat was catchy, the lyrics uncomfortable. I literally forgot the song the moment it ended.
Grade: A for Effort, F for Execution, W for Why am I doing this to myself?
So, Spotify has a “Related Artists” section next to the popular songs of whoever you’re listening to…so I guess I don’t have to really know any of their names.
ZAYN (Or the one who doesn’t look like the others, thank God because #diversity but also why is his name in all caps and where is his last name and I feel like I shouldn’t like him because he left the group first and I’m still not over what Ginger Spice did to the group) – PILLOWTALK (also in caps. WHY)
Full disclosure, I’m very aware of this song. I don’t listen to popular radio because I don’t believe in radio stations pushing their agenda on me but this one managed to sneak into my life. I’m not going to lie. I’ve sung it out loud. I’m not gonna lie, I gave ZAYN a CHANCE because Gigi Hadid is linked to him and her mother used to be one of my RHOBH faves. So…I’m listening to the lyrics and I’m pretty sure this is another pervy song. Am I singing it anyways? Yessireebob. Am I pretending like I can hit all the notes that zayn can? Yup. Oh my, he just said “fuck.” THAT WAS not IN THE VERSION I LISTENED TO. I don’t think this ZAYN is in a healthy relationship. Get out, Gigi!
Favorite Line (that i thought i heard): So if we assault the neighbors in the place that fills the tears, the place we lose our fears…
Final Thoughts: His use of capitalization throughout all his song titles reminds me of a phase I went through when I was in middle school and I thought I was cool and did the same thing. Was he even alive back then?
This is uncomfortable, there are no former band mates in the “Related Artists” section next to zAyN, so I guess I’ll have to revert back to relying on my memory to search for these little perverts. I just tried “Tommy” but that didn’t work.
Louis Tomlinson (Ok, so you can see why I thought his name was Tommy, right? This is the dude who I thought was Liam with the fake baby) – Just Hold On (I bet this song is inspirational and not about fornication)
Steve Aoki?! Ok, I can give this a chance….Wait…is this Louis singing? I thought the super blonde, baby faced one would sound like this. NOTHING IS WHAT I IMAGINE IT WOULD BE AND I FEEL LIED TO. Ok, so it’s sounding like something I’d dance to in a chill Zumba class.There are a lot of “Ohhhhhhhhhs” and questioning the listener going on. However, it is inspirational so that makes me want to be kinder to dear Louis. He does have a fake baby to care for after all.
It’s Educational: “The sun goes down and it comes back up.” Yes, Louis, yes it does.
Thought Provoking Line: “If it all goes wrong, darling just hold on.” I wonder if he wrote this song after ZaYn left and it felt like the world was imploding.
Ok, so the only “Related Artists” that are relevant to my journey are “Liam” (YOUR TURN IS OVER BRO, GO AWAY) and “One Direction.” Perhaps Louis’s way of holding on is not promoting his band mates. Ouch.
Niall Horan (Ok, so this is the guy who I pictured singing when I listened to Louis’s song. According to his Spotify picture, he’s a lot less blonde than I remember. Also, I knew right away how to spell his first name because I remember hearing it once and then seeing how it was spelled and being really confused. That kind of confusion isn’t something you forget right away.) – This Town (Ok, I’m hopeful again that this Niall isn’t a dirty singer.)
I KNOW THIS SONG. I’VE SUNG THIS SONG AND NOT REALIZED IT WAS A NIALL SONG. I thought it belonged to Louis. See, One Direction members just mess with my head. Y’all, this is a sweet song. Dare I even say that it has immense wedding potential? Oh wait, he just sang about the chick meeting someone new. Ok, maybe not a wedding. I could totally see people still using this for a wedding, despite the lyrics, though. C’mon..people used I’ll Make Love to You by Boyz II Men and that song is a little uncomfortable to dance to in front of your grandma who thinks you’ve never even seen a boy. I really appreciate this song because it’s simple and it doesn’t feel like it’s trying too hard. There are no collaborations needed here in order to gain some play (Sorry zayN and Louis). Niall, I’m a fan (of this song…I don’t know if I can like you).
Because I’m Sassy: Dear Niall, what’s up with this line: “If the whole world was watching, I’d still dance with you.” Like, what am I supposed to think. I feel like the line implies that you might not be dancing with me if the whole world were watching. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT THAT?!
“Harry Styles” is a “Related Artist” which is fortunate for me because he is the last member on the list!
Harry Styles (Ok, so before I knew him as a member of One Direction, I knew him as Taylor Swift’s boyfriend.) – Sign of the Times
Full Disclosure: I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS SONG AND IT’S ON ONE OF THE SOUNDTRACKS FOR A STORY I’M WORKING ON. The first time I heard it, I was cleaning the house while listening to SNL in the background. I wasn’t playing close attention because I didn’t hear the introduction for this song. It began playing and I literally stopped what I was doing because the tune made me take notice, the lyrics were thoughtful, and the voice was disarming. It also felt familiar and comfortable…not in a copying type of way…but like an homage. I love it. Too much. I have this goofy perception of Harry Styles in my head, though, so I can’t associate him with this song. Yes, I realize this is insane but has any part of this post screamed SANITY to you?
The Line You Have to Sing at the Top of Your Lungs: We don’t talk enough, we should open up, before it’s all too much.
I did it! I listened to each of their most listened to singles. Am I a better person for having done it? No. Have I wasted a lot of time? Probably. Do I think their fans might come for me because of all the things I’ve said? Maybe. Send help!