Life and all those responsibilities are wrapping me like a cocoon, except the silk is starting to feel like rough binds and I’m starting to suffocate. I fear I will not emerge as a butterfly, but instead be crushed and forgotten.
As I was talking about this feeling today, I realized something: You taught me how to become a butterfly.
You taught me that growth isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that you work towards.
I’ve always been scared of the next step and what awaited me when my foot touched the ground in front of the other.
But I survived.
I was scared about what would happen to us after he left.
I was scared about moving to a new city on my own.
I was scared about moving back before my time was up.
I was scared about loving him too much.
I was scared about him loving me at all.
I was scared about completing something I never thought possible.
I was scared about my calling.
I’m scared about having the things now that took you so much time to get.
My fear is stifled when I realize that’s what you wanted for me all along.
I realize that the binds aren’t as tight or as rough as when I first felt them. They feel like sweet silk against me. I realize the wrapping isn’t made of life and responsibility.
It’s made of you.
Your smile, your laugh, your words, your struggle, your tears, your victory, your arms. I am surrounded by you.
I’m not scared anymore. I am proud. I am happy. I am thankful.
I am yours and you taught me well.
This pressure I feel, is no longer suffocating. It’s molding me to become the butterfly I’ve always seen you as.
Thank you for showing me how to live this life and live it well.