Dear You, October 31, 2016
The doctor says the darkness and helplessness you feel are due to the thoughts that fill your head. He says we need to retrain your thinking.
There are times when I am able to turn the thoughts around in the moment I am having them. Other times are harder, much harder.
I wanted to write you a letter you can read whenever it’s too hard to get yourself out of the pit and you need a little help.
This moment will pass. It will not last forever. I’m not sure how long it will go on this time around, but I promise you there is an end point. A moment will come when the tightness in your chest will go away and you’ll be able to breathe again.
While you’re in the midst of this all-consuming darkness, please know that you can and will get through it. You have before and you will right now and you will the next time it comes around.
You are strong, so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. There are countless opportunities to quit, to give in, but you don’t. I can’t figure out if this is pride driven or if you’re just super-human. Either way, you got this. You have your mama’s strength.
Some other things about you that you won’t be able to stomach right around now (but please finish reading through this list): you’re smart, funny, beautiful, talented, creative, wonderful, loving, kind, sassy, powerful, and capable. You are so many good things.
There are some bad things in there but they don’t compare to all the wonderful things that flow in your veins.
My dear, you are loved. Oh so friggin’ loved. That hubby of yours loves you quite a bit. When he stares at you for prolonged moments and studies your face before complimenting you…that’s love. Your mama bears and papa bears have crazy deep love for you, too. Those hugs they give you can heal wounds, fix broken things, and make you whole. Your siblings…there are so many of them. They love you, too.
You are worthy of their love. You are deserving of their love. You are entitled to their love.
By now you’re probably balling your eyes out and that is perfectly fine.
The tears are a release and sometimes they’re oh-so necessary.
Have a good cry for as long as you need. Then you’re going to wipe your face, take a deep breath, and get back to work.
You gotta get back to writing, to exercising, to loving, to creating, to reading, to talking, to living.
Girl, you got this. (For real, though).