Am I A Hoarder?

Ok, ok, I know I’m not a hoarder. However, when I find something I like, I do like owning a bunch of them.

Today we’re going to talk about my “problem” with notebooks. Yes, notebooks.

Your girl lovesssss a good notebook. She loves a bad notebook. She loves notebooks.

I have a ton of one subject spiral notebooks. I have a bunch of simple, yet elegant Muji notebooks. My husband gifted me with handfuls of Moleskine notebooks for Christmas. Don’t get me started on what I call “Novelty Notebooks.” They’re the notebooks that have great covers with different sayings or images on them. I have too many of those to count.

What do I love about notebooks?

The endless possibilities.

I wouldn’t call myself a collector.

I do not purchase notebooks with the intention of never using them. People don’t gift me notebooks hoping I will display them, empty on a shelf.

I am a writer.

The expectation that I put on myself and that others have for me is that I will fill the notebooks with words. So many words. All the words. Notebooks have been purchased and gifted with the sole intention of being used.

Ask me how many of these notebooks I’ve used.

Go ahead.

ALMOST NONE OF THEM.

When I was a student, it was easier. This notebook will be for this class and that notebook will be for that class. I needed a notebook for a specific reason and so I grabbed from my apocalypse stockpile and voila! It served its purpose.

It’s been harder since graduation (NEARLY 5 YEARS AGO).

Some would think the purpose of writing is reason enough to grab a notebook and get to work.

Nope.

I put too much pressure on myself. I have a hard time using all these wonderful vessels because I am scared that what I fill them with won’t be great. They deserve to have greatness stained upon them.

What if I grab one of my little treasures and start to write something and stop?

Or what if it’s awful?

Or what if it’s boring?

Or what if I don’t like it?

What if? What if? What if?

Two weeks ago I picked up a pocket sized Moleskine from my pile. I vowed to carry it with me and use it. I was trying to figure out what I would use it for…story ideas? As a bit of a diary? Perhaps as a way to log notes on my next story?

And then it hit me.

JUST. USE. IT.

So I did.

It has no specific function other than to be available for whatever words pop into my head: blog post ideas, grocery lists, story ideas, reminders to myself, and so on.

There needs to be less pressure to create something perfect and a little more grace and freedom just to create at all…even if it is a grocery list.

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